The impact of a good friendship can be fleeting-a hug on a bad day-or lifelong-words of wisdom that forever guide our decisions. The women who are dearest to us are the connective fabric of our lives.

Friendships combat loneliness
Although surrounded by people (sometimes it feels like every waking moment of the day), many of us feel lonely and isolated. We crave time alone, yet at the same time we yearn for the deeper connection of sisterly love. We seek to be understood and to understand. We want to share stories with someone we trust who empathizes with our situation. Without the loving care that is the heart of a solid friendship, we experience a sense of emptiness and loss in our lives.

Because of daily pressures, it can be challenging to make the time and create the mental space needed to develop and maintain friendships. These precious relationships can take a back seat to other priorities, subconsciously or consciously.

If you are maxed out with work and raising children, finding the time to establish high-quality relationships with others can be difficult. If you've just relocated to a new city, making new friends can be formidable and extremely time-consuming. If your job demands a lot of travel, staying in contact with close companions and attending social events can be a challenge. Yet truly connecting with our girlfriends is essential to a life of balance.

Friendships reduce stress
We know how good we feel after talking with a friend. When women are stressed and upset-about health concerns, relationship problems or work-related conflicts-we tend to reach out to a friend. Even if no solutions have been found, just that sense of connection, of naming the concern, is helpful.

Friends allow us to release our worries and fears in safety. The positive impact friendships have on our emotional health was borne out in a research study done by psychologist Shelley Taylor of the University of California, Los Angeles, in 2000. The study revealed a pattern of responding to stress she termed "tend-and-befriend." She maintains that female stress responses have evolved for the protection of offspring and involve affiliation with social groups, especially networks of females.

In her study, Taylor points out that this stress response is seen in many species. Females respond to stressful conditions by protecting and nurturing their young (the "tend" response) and by seeking social contact and support from others-especially other females (the "befriend" response). Befriending methods in our North American culture include talking on the phone with relatives or friends, or even such simple social contacts as asking for directions when we're lost.

When we are stressed, essentially, women prefer to be with others, especially other women.

Check Your Balance
Creating and maintaining friendships is an investment in our well-being. We like to be around people who make us feel good. We can also learn a lot from relationships that challenge and stretch us. You will benefit from clarifying which relationships in your life sustain you and which do not. It also helps to know what kind of friend you are and the impact you are having on the lives of others. Contemplate these questions.
• What does being a friend mean to me?
• Am I a good friend to others?
• Who are my friends now? What qualities do they have and why are they my friends?
• Who do I want to see more of? Whose company do I enjoy the most?
• Are there friendships that I need to let go of? Can I imagine me doing that?
• What changes do I need to make to surround myself with a sisterhood of support?

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